Here it is, less than an hour for another new year. The first question anyone asks - even before they tell you to have a happy New Year, is do you have New Year Revelations?
The usual response may be to lose ten pounds. You know, fit into those jeans that's been sitting in your closet for years, and have been mocking you instead of motivating you.
Or it could be something along the lines of getting that promotion you've been working your butt off for.
The truth is, there are plenty of revelations out there - things you want to achieve, goals you want to make it to. I've had them, you've had them, everyone has had them.
I don't want to make revelations or predictions on what I want to achieve for the year of 2013. It's not just another year, like most will say when they shrug away your curious on what they plan to do with themselves for another twelve months.
I'm happy to be working in my art. Writing again, to be more exact. Yes, I touched on this in a facebook post, but here, on my blog, I would like to get more specific.
In truth, I barely remember 2011. I barely remember the beginning of 2012. I cannot say that I had a bad year in 2011 - I just don't remember it. I remember my college graduation and I remember not wanting to be there. I had the GRADUATION BLUES and it was like cramping with a cycle while you were in hundred degree weather and wearing white jeans.
A nasty metaphor, but I want you to understand the place I was in my head. I was having a huge moment, walking across the stage, recieving my B.A. with honors and I didn't want any part of the celebration.
One year, two years, more years if you're lucky. Time speeds up on you. I remember celebrating 1997, alone in my room and much has changed since then and now, but here I am, alone in my room, not really celebrating, but only preparing for the trails and tribulations of a goal I want to achieve. Back in 1997, I wanted to be an awesome athelete. I succeeded my goal and then some.
This year, I want to be an amazing Story Teller. These things take time. You have to build connections, meet people and be prepared to open your mind to them when you hand them a book. You will gain fans, or really thorough critics, or nothing. It's all by chance, but what never changes is the drive.
2012 was my coming back year. I have written several novels, none that I am a hundred percent proud of, all by a different name. I am not afraid to reveal a name to you and let you find my earlier works, but if you do not ask, I do not share it. That was the past, my starting point and I'm proud of that starting point to that extent.
KaNeshia Michelle is the name I go by. I have grown these last few years, jumped into my skin, shredded away the uncertainity and the fear of really putting yourself out there. It's the grind that makes you falter. The pool of Indie Writers are huge - I've met plenty that have been friendly and inspiring, but we are all at competes with each other. Sure, we enjoy the freedom of doing our own thing without a publishing company up our butts, telling us to change this and that, but nine out ten, if the oppurtunity presents itself we would sign a contract and deal with those head aches.
Any achiever simply wants breathing room and stability. You want to know that you are taken care of. We love what we do, but it's even better when we are compensated - financially - for the work. We are proud of our hard work, sweat and tears we put into our art with no money and only passion for what we do to keep moving, but we all want that one thing.
Stability and a peace of mind that what we work so hard to do won't be in vain. That we won't wake up twenty years later from this moment forward and still be in the same boat that we are today. We want to be remembered, liked and celebrated for our work. We want that fresh breath of air, the knowing that we are remembered.
It may sound bad, it may sound like I'm getting a head of myself, or you may simply don't agree. That's okay. I love every fan I have, even every pair of eyes that touches these pages, but I don't think I will make friends of everyone that knows my name. I simple can't befriend every person that tells me I'm good at what I do.
2013 is going to be a good year. I've learned from my mistakes, I've pulled myself out of a slump, I like who I am again and I have faith in who i will be.
That's why I hit such a deep dark part last year and 2011. I lost sight of myself. My dreams grew too big around me and everything i wanted out of life just seemed too far away. The fear overtook me.
Fear is part of life, part of the journey. You need to be scared at times, it may keep you pushing, keep you going, keep you grounded. It can destroy you too. It's part of life, we live it, we do our best and if we can be sorry for less and proud of more of what we became, then we are all winners.
KaNeshia Michelle 2012 - at least for the next thirty-six minutes.