Where...

Where has the time gone? Where have I've gone?

I've been here, simply write here but I've been mute. It's terrible for a writer to lose their words. 

Slowly, I'm coming back. I'm relearning the love of a story again. It just takes time and I haven't been one for patience.

*sigh* I hope to never stop my journey again once I get started moving once more.

Blank Page

I was watching a movie that had a writer for the main character. I remember she was dealing with a case of writer's block.

She said, "I use to see a blank page as a piece of paper that was about to be filled with words, but now, all I see is just a blank page that is daring me to fill it with words. And, I'm failing."

I don't believe in writer's block, but I do believe in a blocked writer. That's what I think I am. When I'm not sitting in front of my computer, I have so many ideas, so many things I want to say and see through my words. When I get home, well, I see nothing but a blank page.

It's terrible.

We Fail because we have to

My best friend has hit a hard time; life isn't panning out the way he wants it to.

As friends, we have to be careful how we give advice. We have to prepared for our friends not to listen to us, and we have to be prepared for them to pick up on every word we say.

Either way, you tread carefully, and be careful with your words. You can change someone's life by what you say, and it may not be in a good light.

I talked about my own transgressions. I used my experiences with life as a focus point - to me this always helps - its good to know that you're not the only one who has crap in your world and you don't have a big enough cloth to clean it.

I know from stories, HEROS, are the biggest misconceptions. Yes, they are strong. Yes, they save the world. Yes, they have a power, a gift, and/or a curse that they have to decide to use for the greater good.

HEROS have the biggest fears. Out of all their strength, they are most afraid. My friend explained that he looked up to me. I explained that he shouldn't because he only saw my life from the outside. I may have things together from the outside, but my accomplishments to him may not be mine.

I am an ambitious person. I love to achieve and grasp and conquer my goals. Still, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of not reaching my goals, and I'm afraid to fail.

Failing isn't a bad thing; we need to do it. We have to remember that we are human, and we can be touched and scarred. It also makes our achievements much more sweeter and we will cherish what we do for ourselves.

If you are at the starting point of your writing career, which I am. You will not be able to see the big picture. You are only working towards a dream, an ghost of yourself successful. Fear is a friend we can't turn away.

We get out there in the world and we crash and burn. It's apart of life, it's apart of success, it's apart of living. In failing, we learn how to succeed. I explained that he has to believe that he can do this, that he can be happy.

He has to find comfort in the small wins - achieving small goals. It's like climbing a mountain. You can't keep looking up; you have to take one step, after one step and you'll be to the top.

Sooner or later, you will reach the top. 

The Start of a Story

I am extremely unsure of what story I want to write.

I'm so happy to be writing again that I'm almost giddy. It feels like a first kiss with the promise of love. It feels like a hug from someone you never thought you would see again, and it feels like just breathing.

See what I mean? I've gone back to useless prose that I've started writing once more. Putting words together and forming phrases, that, in my opinion, sounds beautiful: painting a picture with words is beautiful, when you don't have that anymore, or can't do it, well... there's no painting going on, so there's no picture.

Working with a purpose means a lot to a writer. At least, in my opinion it does. Knowing that I'm working on something that has a finish line feels like a saftey net: as if I have a desination that I will, sooner or later, arrive at.

Now, I'm just free writing. Moving from one story to another; one mind set to another. Its a bit scary because I don't want to stop writing or become frustrated with the process of free writing, or just become scared that I won't be able to pick out a story that I want to finish.

Yet, I'm overthinking it. I'm writer, I over think everything. I believe it cant be helped.

Setting goals has its good and bad. I look at it as if its a brick wall, and I have to lay the bricks down. With each brick set, the better the chances that i will end up with a great foundation and a darn good looking house. Free writing... there is no bricks, no goal, no end.

Deadlines can be intimitading but its a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm writing again. That was a huge step. I'm not known for my patience, but I feel like I need to have them with this.

Here and Now

I'm teaching myself to write again.

I lost track of myself. No, that's not right, I overloaded myself.

I put too much on my plate, barreled through deadline after deadline. I finished each project, and was extremely proud of all of them, but I wore myself down.

It got to the point that I couldn't put two sentences together without my head hurting. It felt like writing was the last thing I wanted to do, because it required me to think and thinking was not what I wanted.

So I took a few months off. Figured, at least the first two weeks, that I had just let writing settle for a moment. It was no big deal. I knew that the moment I sat at my computer again that the words would just appear and i would be in another world, singing happily and writing blissfully.

Oh, I was wrong. I didn't leave writing, writing left me. I no longer had ideas - well, I had ideas, but not the urge to sit at my computer and crank them out. I was in the mist of writer's ambition blocked. I had no real driving force to crank a story out, and when I tried, I hated everything I did.

Now, I'm taking things slow. I learning how to write again. I have a novel I'm working on, but I haven't really touched it. I'm, more or less, doing free writing. I'm trying to feel out the world again through my own words - tipping my tippy toes into the pool.

I had never meant to crash like I had and simply disappear. I'm not ready to fully emerge again, but the drive is there. It's all coming back, little by little. I'm here, right here, right in the now.

That's a step, at least.

Where has the time gone?

Where have I been?

Life has needed my full attention. I have written a post about not having a car so I could pour money into my works. Well, I have a car. Got to the point where I had to have one.

Life is funny like that. Responsibilities are unavoidable. Some responsibilities come before sitting down to a computer to write.

I started a new book. I like where its going but it was too soon to do another project.

So I started going outside again. Went to a boat show. Made plans to go jet skiing. I remembered there's people out there to meet, laugh and get to know.

To write about life, you have to live it.

Back swimming against the current...

If you push a teacher into a classroom filled with students. What do you think that teacher will do?

He'll teach...

If you allow a quarterback into a huddle in the middle of the game, with all the fans screaming and roaring. What do you think will happen?

He'll grab the ball and play the game...

If you allow a comedian to walk on stage in front of an audience, what do you think will happen?

Well, he'll tell a joke.

The Moral of all this is, when you, a writer, sit down to a computer screen, you'll most likely start writing.

I have started another book. With it still in the beginning stages, I will reframe from revealing the name. The story still needs to take shape and the characters are still way undeveloped. Long story short, the book isn't alive and well just yet for me to talk about it.

I needed a break from writing. I needed a break from the deadlines, the pressure, the need to finish another project and release it. Sure, to be a known writer you have to write, but I want to be a good writer, I want to have good stories. Rushing a story, may be a sore spot for certain writers, especially an Indie Author.

You don't have an agent or a publishing company telling you when to release a book, or when they are ready to release your work. No, as an Indie Author, that is all up to you.

I will be the first to admit that I do not have a patient bone in my body, so when a book is done, I want it out into the world. Patients is the key. It can help and it can hurt.

It takes time, but every Indie Writer has to develop a sense to know when the work is done on a project and when it needs more time.

To start another book now has been hard for me. I want to be done with it. I have released 4 projects in the span of five months or maybe even faster. Of course, I'm already caculating in my head when I'll be able to release another project.

I needed a break from writing, a chance to get my mind together. But, as a writer, you can't stay away from the calling of a story for too long. When you've had several projects out that have been very good, and came out the way you wanted it to come out, it gets increasingly hard not to have a little fear that you may not reach that flow like you once did.

That maybe you've reached the peak with your writing. It's a fear, trust me. You would be appalled by the simple things we fear and why we fear it when it comes to our passion.